Just Nicky

Stay on track, stay on track… December 22, 2004

Reading tim’s post prompted me to think of someone I know.

E had what could best be described as a fairly disrupted beginning to her life. Her parents together, apart, together again, apart again. Her mum overseas for a bit and E living with her dad, then her mum back and living with both of them, then E & her mum on their own and her mum sick. Then E & her mum living with her grandparents, then on their own again, then the arrival of her stepfather. Schools changed regularly, lots of friends came and went. So, in hindsight, it wasn’t all that surprising that she ‘went off’ at about age 15.

She shaved her head, got a nasty tattoo, ran away from home, moved in with a local drug dealer and started thieving and hanging out with some generally pretty nasty people. Her mum and extended family did their best to help, but the more they helped, the worse things seemed to get. For a couple of years it all looked fairly dire and everyone despaired to think where E would end up - jail or dead were looking pretty likely.

Then, seemingly out of the blue, E woke up and decided to get on with her life. She moved back home, enrolled herself at high school, completed her VCE and got the nasty tattoo covered by a flower. After VCE she went on to a Fine Arts degree in sculpture.

Things went up and down a bit. She moved in and out of her mum’s place a few times. She never really got on with her stepdad (neither did her mum), but she repaired her relationship with her dad. A trip to Scotland to study and get to know her dad’s family didn’t go particularly well, but she got through it.

A couple of years ago she decided that sculpture was never going to pay the bills and that she wanted to do something useful, so she enrolled in a Social Work degree. In spite of being terrified of writing essays, and her dad’s death earlier this year, she completed her course and, although I haven’t spoken to her, I’m pretty sure she’s done OK.

It’s perhaps taken her longer than some to get to somewhere near where she wants to be, but that’s not important. What matters is that she’s getting there. And, I believe, one of the really important things has been that she has had family support all the way through. That doesn’t mean that bullshit has been tolerated or that she hasn’t had to deal with the consequences of her actions. It means that, through all the ups and downs, she has known that her family - particularly her mum and grandmother - love her and will do whatever they can to help her. That, no matter what she does, they are there for her.

So, I suppose what I’m trying to say is, make sure she knows that you all care for her and that you’re there for her and she’ll be fine. It might take her a while, but she’ll get there.