Soldiering On April 5, 2005
I’ve been ‘working from home’ yesterday and today because I really didn’t think I could face going into the office.
I’m not sure if it was a good idea, though. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my head and a lot of time knitting. I don’t think the former is a particularly healthy thing to be doing really. The latter is has been surprisingly relaxing and meditative.
I did some work yesterday, but I’ve done none today - apart from answering a couple of emails - and I’m a bit annoyed with myself about that. It’s not that I feel guilty, well maybe just a little bit, but it’s more that there’s no real reason why I can’t work. I’m not sick! Well, no sicker than I have been for god-knows how long.
The thing I’m trying to remember is that finding out about the tumour hasn’t actually changed anything. It’s probably been there for ages while I worked and lived my life and it didn’t stop me then so I shouldn’t let it stop me now that I know about it. Easier said than done, I know, but that’s what I want to try to do.
I’m also trying to remind myself that there is an upside to this. It proves that the tinnitus and blocked feeling I have in my left ear is not my imagination, sinusitus, misalignment of my neck or jaw, or any of the other things I’ve blamed. There’s a real, tangible cause for it and that, in its way, is good to know. I can stop trying to pop my ears to clear it.
Now can someone remind me I said all of this when I forget?
i’ve found that working at home is more free form experience too
and from the page that Mark linked to, it seems that it is really, really lucky that you actually found out about this, would’ve been easy to go undetected for much, much longer. i have a friend (29) who accidentally discovered last year that she had a benign tumour in the heart. it was a huge thing, but she went in, had the operation as soon as possible, and then just breathed a huge sign of relief that she’d actually found out in time. hope you won’t have to wait long for it to be dealt with. but yeah - who could concentrate on work in the meantime?