Just Nicky

“I’m never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don’t do any thing. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don’t even do that any more.” ~ Dorothy Parker

 

The tunnel & the light February 15, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 2:22 pm

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I’m starting to feel like the end is in sight here. The product I’m working on goes live in one week from today. There’s a large public launch planned that will go ahead regardless of the issues outstanding at the time. Once that happens my work here is done - I think.

Of course, there is still nothing on paper about me leaving. I’ll start chasing that on Monday if nothing materialises before then.

It’s a nice feeling, though, to see that glimmer at the end.

 
 

Child care February 14, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 11:21 am

What’s being done about the lack of child care?

I was interested to see this opinion piece this morning because childcare is on my mind at the moment.

Foozley is booked in for 4 days a week this year. This seemed the best idea given that Mark has a full time study load and finding additional care during teaching rounds is always an issue and will be particularly so if I am working outside the monolith as I won’t have my long service and annual leave to fall back on.

But in a couple of weeks I won’t be working. And I’m thinking of trying not to work for as long as possible - maybe 4 months or so - to have a really good break and do some things I’d like to do. It seems a waste of money and an unnecessary strain on a small boy to have the Foozle in care for all those days that I will be around. I wouldn’t want to take him out of care altogether - he likes going too much and I think at this age he needs the contact with other kids - but 4 days is a lot for a 2 year old. He’s very tired at the end of a week and that seems a bit unfair when it’s not a necessity.

If we reduce Finn’s days at childcare, there’s almost no chance that we’ll get those days back again when I do go back to work because the demand is so high that the centre will fill them instantly. If we go for shorter days so he’s not so tired, we won’t be able to claim the childcare benefit, which would leave us paying full price (which we might have to anyway when my payout increases our income). So, even when we don’t really need it, we have to keep sending Finn to childcare for long days, just to stay in the game. And, of course, we’re then keeping people who need the care out. It’s totally stuffed and there’s no end in sight.

 
 

Another thing about my cousin February 13, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 3:04 pm

She worked for Penguin for 12 years as a designer.

She did the designs for The Cooks Companion (both versions) and Up The Duff.

 
 

Dorian Gray

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 2:59 pm

Yesterday I caught up with a cousin I haven’t seen for 20 years. She’s older than me by 3 years is the closest in age to me of all my cousins.

I was really struck by how unchanged she is from the way I remember her as a kid. I know that I wouldn’t recognise one of her sisters in the street (I once didn’t recognise her in the gym), but I’m pretty sure I would have known this cousin immediately anywhere.

Somewhere she has a picture of herself crumbling away, I’m sure of it.

 
 

Could be, might be, isn’t actually

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 9:26 am

I have a habit of running through possible scenarios in my head - playing make believe with myself. I think about what I’m about to do, where I’m going and a little soap opera of what is likely to happen runs through my mind.

It can be very useful because it means I’m often ready for reactions and outcomes before they occur. It can also help me be less affected by stuff that goes on because I’ve already worked through the possibilities before they happen. But the flipside is that it can sabotage me. I can be really worked up about situations before they arise and stress myself unnecessarily.

I’ve been doing that a bit with work. Expecting each day to be difficult and finding myself feeling ill on the way in and sitting at my desk in pain with my tightening back and shoulders before anything has actually happened. And I did it this morning when thinking about something I’m planning to do once I finish working. I had anticipated someone’s (not Mark’s) negative reaction, planned my response and got myself all annoyed about it. In fact, nothing has happened and it could be months before anything does.

The quotes on Bean’s blog this morning have underscored that I really need to be staying in the moment right now and not getting ahead of myself. I made the decision to stay at work for an extra month. I can’t change that. I need to just focus on working each day as it comes and lose the regret and anger that I feel about being here because they won’t change a thing. I also need to stop getting ahead of myself and using my post-monolith time as a kind of opiate to take my mind off now. It’s just as fraught with opportunities for angst as the present and it’s even more pointless to be upset it.

Thank you for the lesson Bean.

 
 

Flowers February 11, 2006

Filed under: Gardening — Mark @ 3:10 pm

rose survivor

butterfly bush

paws

fading hydrangea

lanterns in the tree

 
 

Emmylou

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 3:04 pm

This is my big red ball

Here's my little red ball

 
 

Indiana

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 3:02 pm

Please DON'T take my photo

This is where Indi goes when I come outside with the camera

Indiana looking silly

A rare photo of Indi smiling

Mark & Indi

 
 

Cosmo

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 2:58 pm

soft white paws

up close

blurry foot

 
 

Failed the Croc challenge February 9, 2006

Filed under: Uncategorized — Mark @ 12:38 pm

I failed my Croc challenge this morning.

It was just too cold to wear such open shoes without socks and I don’t have any socks cute enough to be visible. So I’m wearing my Converse All Stars instead - sticking with the generally casual trend I’ve been following.