Just Nicky

There are no stupid questions October 31, 2006

I just noticed the following from Kristen on my post about Attachment Parenting:

*asks possibly very stupid question*
did you ever fear rolling onto Finn during the night?
more so when he was a baby?
*hopes question is not too stupid*
Posted by kristen at October 30, 2006 1:24 PM

Firstly, it’s not a stupid question. The danger of rolling onto the baby is one of the first things people mention when you admit to co-sleeping.

Secondly, no we didn’t really worry about it - well, maybe Mark worried a little, but he says that he worries about everything. When you have a baby in bed with you you’re very aware of his/her presence, though, and it’s unlikely you’d roll on them unless you were too drunk or stoned to know better.

We were more concerned about Finn being suffocated if he got stuck under the doona or against one of the pillows so we had him sleeping on top of the doona between us. He was more on the bed than in it. It worked pretty well, although I wouldn’t say it was ideal.

For Leila I think we might try positioning her up high on the bed between our pillows. We have a king sized bed now (bought so that we could fit sleeping children in when necessary) and there’s generally room for a third pillow between Mark’s and mine. Not that Leila will have a pillow. That’s just to indicate how much space is available.

This is really because I would like to be able see her face without having to sit up and disrupt other sleepers unnecessarily. I know from having Finn and because of the state of my hearing these days that I won’t always trust what I hear and will have to look at her to satisfy myself that she really is sleeping/waking up, etc.

I worry more about rolling onto Finn these days than I did when he was little. When he sleeps with us he tends to lean against me, which makes it almost impossible for me to move without rolling on him. The worry is less about hurting him than about him waking up with a fright from almost being squashed and then not being able to get him back to sleep again.

Miss Emmylou’s words of doggy wisdom. October 30, 2006

When a rabbit runs across one’s path on a walk, it simply must be chased.

When one is anywhere near a large body of water (eg. creek or ocean) one must jump into it repeatedly.

When one has a nasty taste in one’s mouth, or is feeling a little queasy one must gobble as much grass as one can manage.

When the brown dog barks one must join in, building to a yip which becomes a howl.

When one is on a walk with the brown dog one really must annoy her as much as possible.

When one is heading out for a walk it is imperative that one yelps and carries on like a pork chop right outside the house where 2 other barky dogs live so that they know to come to the windows of their house and yap at us.

It’s good to be a dog.

Daylight Savings

As the days have been getting longer we’ve been woken between 6 and 6.30 am each morning by either the PuppyDeluxe needing to go out or Finn being all awake. We were hoping that turning the clocks forward for Daylight Saving would enable us to sleep until 7 or 7.30, giving us at least the illusion of a later start. No such luck.

Finn appeared by my side of the bed at 5.30am this morning!

He hopped in for a cuddle and then agreed to let Mark take him back to his own bed. Half an hour later, though, he was back, claiming to have a pooey bum. He didn’t, but Mark got up and kept him amused while I slept on until 8 o’clock.

Who said toddlers can’t tell time?

Attached October 22, 2006

I don’t usually watch 60 Minutes, but I saw tonight’s story on Attachment Parenting.

As expected, they trotted out the extreme end of the spectrum - a family in England where the parents have given up work to devote their lives to their children and the mother still breastfeeds their five year old daughter. I completely agree that these people certainly appeared to be complete idiots and the American and Australian women they showed didn’t come up particularly well either. But that’s hardly a fair picture of Attachment Parenting.

When I was pregnant with Finn I read the Attachment Parenting book by Dr William Sears. I don’t recall breastfeeding of five year olds being advocated. This link shows the 8 basic principles upon which the theory is based (and which I noticed 60 Minutes didn’t mention) and, although I’m not an AP devotee, I do believe that they have merit - within reason. Any theory can be taken to extreme by crackpots, but I really like the overall aim of AP -

This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child’s emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful and enduring relationships.

When Finn first came home I really liked having him sleep in the same bed as us. We slept better and so did he. Then one night he slept really well in his own room and it has been that way ever since. I still like to have him in with us when he’s sick or particularly upset and it beats sitting up in the chair in his room. He’s still a very young child and I fully expect that a day will come in the next few years when he won’t want to hop into bed with us and we’ll be happy with that.

Similarly in the early days I liked to keep Finn close to me and did enjoy carrying him around as much as possible and I think he liked it too, but like the sleeping arrangements, there came a point when both he and we seemed happy enough not to do it. We still pick him up and carry him when it works better for all of us, although we’re currently encouraging him to walk as much as possible at the moment in preparation for the new baby’s arrival.

I suppose my point is that crap like 60 Minutes shouldn’t put anyone off investigating AP as a theory and taking the bits that work for you. As I’ll be home with the next baby I fully intend to explore some of those ideas more than I was able to with Finn. For me it’s about doing what fulfills my need as a parent and what provides the child with the most stable base possible. And there’s no way you’ll see me breastfeeding a five year old

Time for a celebration October 20, 2006

Today is Mark’s last day of classes. He has one more assignment due, which he’s trying to hand in today and then he’s all done. This is special. So special that I think it needs to be celebrated.

So here’s the deal. All our friends and family are invited to a barbecue at our place on Saturday 25th November. Turn up whenever you like during the afternoon/evening. BYO drinks. I’ll think about food when I’ve actually thought this through a bit more.

It’s highly likely there may be some Singstar played.

It’s election night (Victorian state election), but there shall be no watching of election coverage - unless it’s looking particularly close, which is highly unlikely.

Running Rivers October 17, 2006

I’ve been watching 2 Men in a Tinnie on the ABC. Actually I’ve been recording it and finally got around to watching it this afternoon. I’ll watch the last one live tonight.

The premise of the show is that John Doyle (aka Rampaging Roy Slavin) and Tim Flannery (of Weathermakers fame) travel along the Murray-Darling river system from the beginning of the Darling River in Queensland to the end of the Murray in South Australia in a little tin dinghy. The reality is that they can sail along very little of the Darling. The Murray is better, but it’s beset by its own issues.

The story they tell of the use and misuse of water in our country is very sad to see. The demand for water from the Darling for agriculture, such as cotton farming on Cubby Station, has led to the demise of historic sheep stations and is threatening the survival of small communities downriver. In a country as drought prone as Australia it seems criminal to take large quantities of water for agricultural practices which must be questionable (large ponds for irrigation just sitting there evaporating in the Queensland sun), leaving people downstream to survive on bore water while their children try to swim in the stagnant river.

When I see things like this I can’t help but wonder when we will realise that it’s just not feasible for us to grow everything here. We’d be better using our water to protect our environment and supply our average people. Do we need to be the world’s biggest producer of cotton? Do we need to grow rice?

It’s not something I pretend to understand. I don’t have a grasp of the political issues around it all, nor can I claim to understand the point of view of the big agriculturalists involved. All I know is that what we have done and what we are doing now is not working and there has to be a better way to do things.

Not purple, more a pinky red October 12, 2006

OK, so I didn’t manage to get purple highlights. They’re a bright pinky red colour (or maybe they’re a reddish pink…) instead in 3 big chunks on the sides and back of my head and my base colour has some plummy tones in it. I like it.

Of course, the hairdresser just had to iron my hair flat when she dried it, so I have no idea how the cut actually looks until I wash it. I think it’ll be all good though, because I liked the girl who did my hair. She actually listened to what I had to say, which is always reassuring.

All quiet on the western front

Mark has gone to uni and Finn is back at childcare. The house is quiet, apart from the wind in the tree and the chooks scratching under the study window.

There’s all sorts of things swirling in my head today. I’m excited for myself and for others. For myself because in an hour and a half I’m off to get my hair cut & coloured, so I won’t look like such an old hag anymore. For the colour I’m sticking with a brown base, close to my natural colour (minus the grey) and then I want some bright highlights - something different from the usual red or blonde, if the local salon can cope with it. I’m thinking purple. I’m excited for others because it’s such a buzz to see good people getting what they want in life.

I’m a little wistful. Finn seemed like such a big boy going to childcare today. Suddenly he’s not a baby, or even a 2 year old anymore. He’s 3 and it seems like a big number. And the way he says “Alllriiight!” when I tell him to eat his breakfast has a scarily adolescent ring to it.

I’m a bit melon-headed because the wind is from the north and I have hayfever. This turns my thoughts alternately to going back to bed, sticking my head in a vice, or damning the consequences and taking normal antihistamines. I shall do none of these, but they all have their attractions.

And finally I’m a little anxious. We have a busy weekend ahead. My parents, sister and niece are coming for lunch on Saturday and - to my jaundiced eye at least - the house is in an uproar. There is cleaning and de-stinking to be done before The Mavis crosses the threshold. There is also a cake to be obtained. Sunday is our expedition to Thomas and there is food that can travel across the known universe to organise. That includes a cake as well. And finally, on Monday, Finn will have his childcare birthday party and there will be (you guessed it) a cake to be bought and lollie bags to be filled for 15 kids.

False Alarm October 3, 2006

Last Friday, after finding out that Finn had chicken pox, I had a blood test to confirm whether I have had it in the past and whether the infection is currently present in my blood stream because of the possible risk to the baby if the first was negative &/or the latter was positive. I found out over the weekend that I had indeed had chicken pox which matched with my recollection of being 6 and itchy.

Today the GP rang to let me know that the second part of the test for the presence of the infection currently came back with an ‘equivocal’ result. Before she let me know about this she rang the Royal Womens who advised that I should come in to see them and get another blood test done. So I got myself together and trundled off to Carlton to their Emergency Department.

Once I got there, they seemed vaguely confused by it all and rang the GP to get the blood test results faxed over. Having seen the results, the RW doctor told me that I in fact didn’t need another blood test straight away, but I should have another one done in 2 weeks through the same lab that did the original one to confirm that I don’t have the infection in my blood. So, all in all, I went into the hospital for not much reason at all.

I’m not annoyed, just tired. And a bit frustrated by it all.

Moving On October 2, 2006

As Mark has said, we have been talking about how bits and pieces of our recent contretemps keep coming up for us. I think this is a perfectly normal and healthy thing.

For me, it often has to do with aspects I haven’t understood or resolved in my mind. There may be behaviour that has caught me by surprise (as in the recent situation) or emotional issues that I still need to work through, or it may be that I haven’t yet come to a final summation of what was going on. To use an awfully cliched term, it’s all about closure.

This is not to say that this sort of stuff plays on my mind and is all I think about, but rather that bits and pieces pop up out of the blue. Sometimes they’re questions, sometimes little revelations, sometimes big revelations.

I remember once, while driving home from work I realised that a guy I had gone out with off and on for 2 years was, quite simply, an arsehole. I wasn’t aware I had been thinking about him and I hadn’t thought much about him for at least 12 months before that, but this epiphany came from nowhere and it was like a door slamming shut. I just knew in that moment that nothing I did warranted his behaviour and that the way he treated me was the way he treated everyone around him. And it felt very good.

Each time something about the recent issue comes up I have a small realisation that shuts that door a little more. They’re too numerous and specific to list here, but the overriding sense is that, as Mark says, there are no regrets and that we are much better off out of what was an increasingly unhealthy situation. It won’t be long at all before that door shuts and locks itself with a resounding thud.