Just Nicky

Attached October 22, 2006

I don’t usually watch 60 Minutes, but I saw tonight’s story on Attachment Parenting.

As expected, they trotted out the extreme end of the spectrum - a family in England where the parents have given up work to devote their lives to their children and the mother still breastfeeds their five year old daughter. I completely agree that these people certainly appeared to be complete idiots and the American and Australian women they showed didn’t come up particularly well either. But that’s hardly a fair picture of Attachment Parenting.

When I was pregnant with Finn I read the Attachment Parenting book by Dr William Sears. I don’t recall breastfeeding of five year olds being advocated. This link shows the 8 basic principles upon which the theory is based (and which I noticed 60 Minutes didn’t mention) and, although I’m not an AP devotee, I do believe that they have merit - within reason. Any theory can be taken to extreme by crackpots, but I really like the overall aim of AP -

This style of parenting encourages responsiveness to the infant or child’s emotional needs, and develops trust that their emotional needs will be met. As a result, this strong attachment helps the child develop secure, empathic, peaceful and enduring relationships.

When Finn first came home I really liked having him sleep in the same bed as us. We slept better and so did he. Then one night he slept really well in his own room and it has been that way ever since. I still like to have him in with us when he’s sick or particularly upset and it beats sitting up in the chair in his room. He’s still a very young child and I fully expect that a day will come in the next few years when he won’t want to hop into bed with us and we’ll be happy with that.

Similarly in the early days I liked to keep Finn close to me and did enjoy carrying him around as much as possible and I think he liked it too, but like the sleeping arrangements, there came a point when both he and we seemed happy enough not to do it. We still pick him up and carry him when it works better for all of us, although we’re currently encouraging him to walk as much as possible at the moment in preparation for the new baby’s arrival.

I suppose my point is that crap like 60 Minutes shouldn’t put anyone off investigating AP as a theory and taking the bits that work for you. As I’ll be home with the next baby I fully intend to explore some of those ideas more than I was able to with Finn. For me it’s about doing what fulfills my need as a parent and what provides the child with the most stable base possible. And there’s no way you’ll see me breastfeeding a five year old