Just Nicky

Resisting the urge November 20, 2006

I want to feel motivated to do stuff today but I just don’t. There’s nothing wrong with me - at least I don’t think there is - I just don’t really feel like doing anything.

I just passed up a trip to the library with Mark & Finn because I wanted to get some stuff done around the house before it gets too hot, yet here I am in front of the computer. Not that I feel I’m missing out by not going to the library for storytime. I probably shouldn’t admit it, but I hate it and I’m very glad not to go. It’s one of those ‘mum’ things I just can’t get a handle on which is a pity because Finn quite likes it.

But to get back to my lack of motivation. Normally this could be the precursor to a bit of a funk. I’d get annoyed with myself for not getting off my bum and doing stuff when there’s plenty around here to do - particularly with the bbq on Saturday. Then I’d get grumpy with Mark for not doing the things that I’m not doing (I didn’t say this makes sense, by the way) and, in turn, get more annoyed with myself for being unreasonably grumpy with him. The whole thing would fester and feed on itself until either I’d burst into tears, or lose my temper, or Mark would come to the rescue and do all the stuff that I was going to do and, regardless of which of these occurs, I’d end up feeling slack and useless. Really not terribly smart, is it?

So I’m not going to do it. I have a cup of tea which I’m going to drink. I will spend another fifteen minutes in front of the computer while I do this. Then I will go outside and hang the load of washing that just finished, after which I will clean up dog and cat shit. I will hate doing it but, once it’s done, I’ll be very happy that I’ve done it. If it’s not too hot after that I will stay outside and pull out some weeds and pick up some of the bits and pieces of rubbish that are lying around. At the end of it I will be hot and probably a little agravated but I will be better off for it.

Time starts now…