Gimme, gimme February 18, 2007
I want … something. I want to buy something for me. I want to buy something nice for me. I want to buy something nice and expensive for me.
I’ve been shopping a lot on eBay recently. Clothes for Leila (too many). Clothes for Finn (I think I’ve just about got his winter wardrobe sewn up). A couple of clothing items for Mark. But I haven’t bought anything for me. I want to give myself a present. I want it to be something special. But I have no idea what that might be.
Clothes for me are pointless. In a few weeks I’ll be a different size and shape and need completely different things to what I need now. Shoes are also pointless. My feet are going to change too. And I can’t argue that I actually need any shoes since I have pairs gathering dust under the bed. Books, nup. I don’t have the attention span for them right now. A DVD or two might be a possibility, but not really special enough. Jewellery is out too. I haven’t worn the bracelet that I ‘never’ take off for the last month or so because I can’t stand wearing anything on my wrists, neck or fingers.
Intellectually I know that this is just an end-of-pregnancy-feeling-uncomfortable-and-tired-wanting-some-thing-to-make-myself-feel-better delusion. And I know it won’t work. But that doesn’t stop the little voice going ‘gimme, gimme’ in my head. The only thing I can think of to quiet it is to try to find myself some small object that I can manufacture a special feeling about - something that might be rare, or pretty - and tell myself that it’s the thing that it will do the job.
It won’t work of course. Long years of credit card hammering have taught me at least that much. But it doesn’t really need to work. It just needs to stave off disastrous expenditure until I get through the next few weeks and have other things to think about. So a-browsing I go…
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