Just Nicky

The Space You Occupy February 19, 2007

For Sale: Victorian Armchair by Tara & Mike

I wasn’t really aware of Mark’s absence until I went to bed.

It’s probably because most of our evenings are spent with me on the couch in the front room, while he bustles about putting Finn to bed repeatedly, doing dishes and phaffing/working/playing on the computer.

Once I lay in down in the big bed, though, I was very aware of the vast emptiness on the other side and the cavernous silence in the house underscoring the fact that he’s not here.

I’m pretty sure that the last time I slept in this house without him was when he was travelling to Sydney regularly for work about 4 years ago.

I’m not worried or scared about being here without Mark. It’s impossible for a cat to fart in this street without our dogs barking, so nobody’s going to sneak in here while I’m asleep. It’s just an odd feeling.

There’s a huge Mark-shaped absence, which doesn’t seem right.