She knows she’s not allowed on the couch May 31, 2007
So she thought that if she curled herself into a tiny little ball and looked really sheepish she’d get away with it.
She was right.
Everybody wants a piece of me May 23, 2007
The dogs want me to do something - anything - that will propel food into their mouths.
Leila wants … well, she doesn’t know what she wants, but her grizzling indicates that she wants something and I’m the one who should be supplying it.
Finn wants:
me to turn off the computer in a different way
his seat back on the toilet
something from his Thomas box
something different on the TV
to sit on my lap
to get off my lap
Cosmo wants me to let him out, then let him in, then let him out again.
Zelda wants somebody to open the door NOW! Oh, no she doesn’t … yes she does … no she doesn’t …
I would like to EAT MY BLOODY BREAKFAST BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH!!!!
… and at some point do you think I could have a moment to get out of my pjs and put on some clothes please?
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
It’s started. The post-baby hair loss.
I thought it happened when one finished breast feeding. I was wrong. I read recently that it happens at some point after the baby is born. It might 3 months. Or six months. Just any time it damn well feels like falling out. And mine feels like it now.
If last time is anything to go on, some time in the next couple of weeks I’ll start to look like I’m going bald. That’s when I’ll get my hair cut short. It’ll have to stay short for a few months until the regrowth gets past the point where it sticks up like a brush.
I’ll miss my hair. I like having longer hair. I like having thick hair. I feel like I’ve only just finished growing out the post-surgery haircut, even though surgery was 2 years ago (on the Friday just gone, actually). And now I’ve got another year or so of growing out the post-baby hair loss ahead of me. By the time I’m done Leila might even have a decent amount of hair.
Life is like a rollercoaster May 18, 2007
I mentioned on Leila’s blog that this morning I thought today might be the day that I run screaming into the night after tossing the baby at Mark as he walks in the door. At lunchtime I thought it might be Finn I toss before bolting. But now all is calm again. It’s amazing how smoothly things will run when you let the 3 year old have something else for lunch and then let him play on the computer for as long as he likes.
It seems that my days at home with Finn & Leila are either really good or quite bad. It doesn’t help that today’s weather has kept us indoors a bit. I also think that Finn might have a touch of the cold I’ve had for the last few days. He’s a bit tired and grouchy and more prone to tears than he usually is. So I’ve given up on achieving anything today.
Leila is asleep (fingers crossed that she’s stays that way for a while). Finn is sort of watching Stuart Little. I’m going to grab my knitting and join him for a while.
Wardrobe Refashion
Sign ups for Wardrobe Refashion are open again.
I had thought I would sign up this time, but I don’t feel sufficiently in control or organised yet to take it on. I need to get Miss Leila into a reasonably predictable routine before I take on much in the way of commitments. I’ve started selling stuff on Ebay. That and trying to get my house in order are enough for now I think.
But I reckon there are lots of people out there who should sign up - Helen & Jojof, for example. You’re both very clever people 
Aside from being a bit of fun the refashion movement serves a greater goal in encouraging people to make their own clothes from scratch or recycle old ones, rather than buying new and perpetuating the cycle of waste.
I still plan to sign up when life is a bit more settled. Of course, that could be years away, but my intentions are good…
Mothers Day May 15, 2007
I never really cared much for Mothers Day. My mum always said that we have 364 other days in the year to show that we love her. We didn’t need to wait until the second Sunday of May to do it. And, in fact, she’d rather we didn’t. That seemed perfectly reasonable to me. Besides, my mum hates chrysanthemums.
Now that I’ve had 4 Mothers Days as a mother myself I’m starting to see it in a new light. It’s not that I get spoiled. I’m pretty spoiled for the rest of the year anyway. And in years to come I’m sure I’ll get very sick of the dodgy childcare/kinder/school made presents that I’ll be required to accept with rapture.
Mothers Day, for me, is an opportunity to think about why I chose to be a mum. I wasn’t always going to do this. For a very long time I was never, ever going to have children. Then, 5 or 6 years ago, I (with Mark) made an explicit choice to become a parent. I didn’t have to. Neither of my pregnancies were unplanned or unwanted. I had a range of options I could have explored. I chose this.
This is what I remember when I don’t want to get out of bed in the middle of the night or early in the morning. It’s what I tell myself when I resent having to wipe a bottom or clean up another ‘accident’. This is the life I chose. And - good, bad or indifferent - it is what I make it.
I can’t articulate why I made this choice. We tell people that we decided that we would be more likely to regret not having children, than to regret having them. But I’m not sure I can explain why that would be. One thing I do know, though, is that I wouldn’t change my lot for the world.
Call me selfish - you wouldn’t be the first or last - but I wouldn’t want to miss a minute of Finn’s and Leila’s lives. I want to be a part of the adventure that they are on. And I’m so very glad that I am.
Nicky Day May 5, 2007
The week really did me in and at the end of yesterday I was feeling desperately in need of some time to myself, so I asked Mark if he would kid wrangle on his own for a couple of hours while I went out and wandered around shops. He very kindly agreed, but instead of a couple of hours, it turned a whole day - Nicky Day.
It started at 5am when Leila woke and I just couldn’t get out of bed. Mark got up to see to The Little Princess and he’s been doing so ever since.
I got up quite late and mooched and took my time reading the paper. When I eventually went out I ended up being gone for more than three hours, rather than the couple I had planned. Mark, Finn and Leila were nowhere to be seen when I got home. They’re still out. I suspect they’ve gone to the park.
I didn’t go anywhere exciting on my outing - just into Werribee and then to the Plaza. My objective was just wanted to go somewhere By Myself. Just Me. And it was nice. Crowds weren’t an issue because I didn’t have to negotiate them with another person, a toddler and a pram. The ambient noise didn’t bother me because I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I could tune out and listen to my tinnitus and it didn’t matter at all (it’s also a very effective way to avoid pushing sales assistants).
I browsed and shopped a little. I bought a new pair of runners, a linen shirt and a vest, but was otherwise rather underwhelmed by what I saw in the stores, which is a very good thing. I really don’t need any new clothes for this winter and, after looking through the shops, I don’t really want any either. There were a couple of things I liked, but I decided that if they’re still on my mind next weekend I’ll go back, otherwise I don’t really want them enough.
The time I spent out today is the first time I’ve been completely on my own in the last 7 and a half weeks. Being with a small baby isn’t like being with another adult, but it’s not like being completely on your own either. You have another person to consider and factor into everything you do. The freedom to move without having to think about someone else is probably the major thing I miss about my pre-kid life and having a little piece of it back today was priceless.
Disaster Averted - I think… May 4, 2007
Today was going pear shaped very rapidly. Leila was screaming. Finn was yelling. And my head was close to exploding. So we went to the park.
It took the bloodymindedness and organisational skills of a sergeant-major to get us out the door in one pieces but I managed it and we had a lovely time. Leila snoozed happily in the pram while Finn and I played. After an hour or so we headed home for lunch and shortly we’ll sit down to watch Stuart Little.
Hopefully we’ll be a little less frayed and desperate at the end of today than we were at the end of Wednesday. There’s still a few hours to go though…
