Just Nicky

Hibernating Early March 11, 2008

I am not going to see my shrink today. I just don’t feel like talking about myself (and what’s my blog entry about? me, of course. appreciate the irony.). I’m going to ring and tell her Finn’s sick. Is it wrong to use my son in my lie to avoid going? Probably, but I’m going to do it anyway.

I’m also going to get out of the kinder as quickly as I can when I drop Finn off. I really don’t want to get sucked into that vortex today and be the president. I just want to be an ordinary parent, without having to think about that stuff. I may have to stuff my finger in my ear and run out of the kinder to manage it, but I’m willing to try.

I feel the need of quiet and solitude and this is one of my few chances this week. I know that I feel this way because I’m tired. Going to bed at 1am and getting up at 6.30am is not the 8 hours sleep I need to be reasonably human. I should probably push through it, blah, blah, blah, but I’m not going to and there’s no one here to make me. I miss Mark.

This week will be the longest he has been away from home and me in about 5 years and the longest he’s ever been away from Finn and Leila. It’s a concept that’s difficult for all of us to deal with - perhaps not so much for Leila, but most definitely for Finn and I … and the dogs. It’s a reminder of how important he is to us all. And how lucky we are that this is not a regular part of our life.