Step by Step May 6, 2008
I was going to put a comment on Fiona’s blog, but then decided that I should post a little about our progress with Finn.
Today Finn and I had probably the best day we’ve had in a long time. We didn’t do anything astonishing. We took Leila to childcare, did some grocery shopping and hung out, playing on the computers together until it was time to have lunch and go to kinder. It was lovely. I didn’t have to raise my voice or threaten at all.
He did ask whether he could watch telly - he asks daily - but that’s all he did. He asked the question once, didn’t whinge when I said ‘no’ and then moved on to the next thing. I could have jumped for joy. It’s hard to believe that a week ago I had Lego thrown at me for the same answer.
I’ve been working really hard at not losing my temper with Finn. I try to keep my tone and demeanour reasonably even and calm when dealing with his poor behaviour. I will raise my voice or change the tone to emphasise my point, but I’m trying really hard to avoid smacking or escalating with threats I’m unlikely to carry out. Sitting in the corner is the standard punishment for transgressions and if that doesn’t work favourite toys spend some time out in the garage. Shouting and smacks do still occur - sometimes more than once in a day - but the intention is to avoid them wherever possible.
Finn isn’t going to be as big as James - we’re probably heading for 6′ or a smidge over - but like Fiona I don’t want him to learn that it’s OK to use greater size or strength to get what you want. I think this is a vitally important lesson for boys. I also abhor people who prey on those weaker than themselves and don’t want my son to be one of them. All Mark and I have every really wanted for Finn is for him to grow into a nice, kind and generous man and that’s where we are directing our efforts with him. He can dig ditches for a living for all I care, as long as he’s a nice bloke.
Smacking tends to happen in our house when whichever of us is dealing with Finn is tired and limits have been pushed repeatedly. I don’t like it because it’s just a knee jerk reaction and doesn’t address the issue at hand (which is often that he’s tired too). Certainly it can bring the behaviour to a sudden stop but I always feel worse, rather than better, for having done it and it does nothing for our relationship. So I try really hard not to do it. Some days, though, are very much a case of two steps forward and one step back. Days like today make up for that in spades.
Woo hoo!!! sounds like a lovely day.