Just Nicky

I am tired.

Leila has woken at 3am for 4 or 5 nights in a row (I can’t remember) and it’s starting to wear. A couple of times her nappy had overflowed and she needed new pjs, sleeping bag and sheet. Last night I think she was having trouble breathing through her stuffed up nose (she has ANOTHER cold) and one night she seemed to have been wrestling with a teddy bear and becoming quite cross about it.

It’s not just me who is affected. Mark is woken by her carrying on as well and on one of the nappy overflow nights both he and Finn got up to help out because Leila was yelling so much about having her clothes changed when she really just wanted to play. Things start to unravel when we are all tired.

Already this morning I’ve asked Finn to leave me alone about half a dozen times. He wants to talk at me and I want half an hour to eat my breakfast and read some blogs before I get into the day. Each time I remind myself that he’s not doing anything wrong and that I am tired, but I can feel my patience thinning.

The other thing that happens when I’m tired is that I view things much more critically than I normally would and tend to be overwhelmed by negatives. The house looks filthy to my jaundiced eye this morning and I’m sorely tempted to buy a new vacuum cleaner because that will be the magic bullet that will fix everything (Hardly Normals has Doysons on sale at the moment which is particularly tempting). I know that is pure fantasy, of course, which doesn’t help at all.

A good night’s sleep will make a huge difference to all of this, but I have no guarantee of that at the moment. I really hope that Leila will sleep through tonight, but whether she does or not is in the lap of the gods. While they make their minds up I’m going to rely on tea and vitamin pills to keep me going and hope I don’t yell at Finn too much.

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