Just Nicky

Getting There May 11, 2008

Getting There by MarkOMeara

I entered us in the Mothers Day Classic walk as a way of getting exercise and I certainly got it. By choosing to do the 8km walk I overestimated my fitness just a wee bit. I’ll be feeling it tomorrow.

Fortunately I’m seeing my chiropractor tomorrow. My back and neck have been wretched recently. All the walking certainly helped a lot - and that’s why I should be doing a lot more of it - but I’m definitely in need of some work. It will be nice to take a deep breath while lying down without pain.

After the first 4km I could easily have stopped, but Mark made several good points in favour of continuing. First, we came to do 8km so we should do 8km. Second, even though I said I would be happy to stop, I would beat myself up about wimping out. And third, he thought the second 4 would be a bit easier than the first. He was right on all three counts and I’m glad I deferred to his judgement.

I’m looking forward to our next effort in the MS Walk and Fun Run. We’re doing 5km around Albert Park Lake for that one. It’ll be a doddle.

Step by Step May 6, 2008

I was going to put a comment on Fiona’s blog, but then decided that I should post a little about our progress with Finn.

Today Finn and I had probably the best day we’ve had in a long time. We didn’t do anything astonishing. We took Leila to childcare, did some grocery shopping and hung out, playing on the computers together until it was time to have lunch and go to kinder. It was lovely. I didn’t have to raise my voice or threaten at all.

He did ask whether he could watch telly - he asks daily - but that’s all he did. He asked the question once, didn’t whinge when I said ‘no’ and then moved on to the next thing. I could have jumped for joy. It’s hard to believe that a week ago I had Lego thrown at me for the same answer.

I’ve been working really hard at not losing my temper with Finn. I try to keep my tone and demeanour reasonably even and calm when dealing with his poor behaviour. I will raise my voice or change the tone to emphasise my point, but I’m trying really hard to avoid smacking or escalating with threats I’m unlikely to carry out. Sitting in the corner is the standard punishment for transgressions and if that doesn’t work favourite toys spend some time out in the garage. Shouting and smacks do still occur - sometimes more than once in a day - but the intention is to avoid them wherever possible.

Finn isn’t going to be as big as James - we’re probably heading for 6′ or a smidge over - but like Fiona I don’t want him to learn that it’s OK to use greater size or strength to get what you want. I think this is a vitally important lesson for boys. I also abhor people who prey on those weaker than themselves and don’t want my son to be one of them. All Mark and I have every really wanted for Finn is for him to grow into a nice, kind and generous man and that’s where we are directing our efforts with him. He can dig ditches for a living for all I care, as long as he’s a nice bloke.

Smacking tends to happen in our house when whichever of us is dealing with Finn is tired and limits have been pushed repeatedly. I don’t like it because it’s just a knee jerk reaction and doesn’t address the issue at hand (which is often that he’s tired too). Certainly it can bring the behaviour to a sudden stop but I always feel worse, rather than better, for having done it and it does nothing for our relationship. So I try really hard not to do it. Some days, though, are very much a case of two steps forward and one step back. Days like today make up for that in spades.

Bruised by Love May 2, 2008

My TV ban for Finn remains intact, in spite of his repeated protestations that “I’ll be good this time!”. I have had Lego thrown at me and my hand bruised by being mashed against the linen cupboard door due to my refusal to give in. However each day he’s a little less insistent and (I hope) a little calmer and more constructive about how he uses his time. I have to be more attentive without telly than with it and that’s quite tiring. But that and the bruises will be worth it in the long run if our house is calmer and happier.

The rain hasn’t been much help. Getting Finn out pottering in the back yard is a great way to occupy his mind and body. He spent most of last week making Wombat Stew after reading the book at kinder. I’m looking forward to a bit of clear sky and sunshine - just a little - to give the boy a chance to make a horrific mess outside for a while. It would help me get some washing dry too.

I have to be grateful for the rain for the garden’s sake, though. I’ve planted lots of seedlings that I bought for my birthday over the last few weeks and they really needed it. Sometimes there just isn’t enough grey water to go around. I also put a heap of bulbs that I bought at the garden show in last weekend so they’ve been making good use of the precipitation, no doubt. Except, of course, for the tulips and daffodils I put in pots and left at the edge of the verandah, near the fence. They’ve been jumped by the dogs and need to be rescued and repotted. Something that can wait until I get some garden time tomorrow.

Mark is going to take charge of the munchkins for a bit of time each weekend to enable me to get out and play in the dirt. This weekend I’m going to stuff as much rubbish as possible in the big bin that gets emptied monthly, move the compost bin and clean out the chook shed. If I have time and energy after doing that I might get around to planting the fig tree my sister-in-law gave me at Christmas. I intend to espaliere it on the fence so that it won’t take up much room.

Edumacation - my crazed musings March 11, 2008

For some reason today I am preoccupied by the subject of Finn’s education. Where will he go to school next year? This is another side effect of not getting enough sleep - becoming immersed in an apparent, yet non-existent, problem.

Logically I know that Finn will probably go to the local government school and do fine, if not exceptionally well. But I am nervous about it. I worry about him running into teachers who don’t allow for his hearing problem, kids who are cruel and so on. That school seems like a big unfriendly place, an impression not helped by Mark’s experiences with them as both student teacher and casual employee. My emotion keeps overriding my intellect and I’m having trouble letting go of the need to line up alternative educational options for him.

The problem is that there really aren’t any. He could go to the local Catholic school but, as a “Non-Christian child” he is at the bottom of their list of kids to enrol. Besides, every second word on their website makes my stomach churn. Although I know that’s just who they are, the belabouring of their religious focus is hard to take and a reason why I don’t particularly like them as an alternative.

Aside from that there is the anglican ‘grammar’ on the other side of the freeway. I once liked the sound of them, especially their ‘equestrian programme’ which seemed to consist of dusty ponies in dusty paddocks - you had to admire their chutzpah. But the vagueness and lack of interest shown by the teacher we spoke to at their open day when we asked about kids with special needs - like she had no idea what we meant - put me off in a big way. There wasn’t even a policy she could parrot at us. In any case, our financial circumstances aren’t going to allow for fees like their any time soon.

And then we’re out of viable alternatives. Distance, catchment area rules and so on are going to make any other school in our area difficult to arrange. And, in terms of educational style, there is simply nothing else on offer. There are no Steiner schools close enough to us to consider. All the Montessori schools are on the other side of town and the Maharishi school is miles away too.

I know it’s dangerous to mess with your kids’ education, but I figure if there’s a time to try alternatives, earlier is better. I don’t want to subject Finn to 7 years of a traditional primary school only to find that starting each day with transcendental meditation would have done him more good. And maybe basket weaving would be of more use to him at 5 than learning to read…

See: Not enough sleep leads to ludicrous imaginings.

Finn will be fine at the local school. And if he’s not, we’ll find a school that works for him - even if it means moving to Reservoir.

I promise I will have an early night tonight and will be sane again tomorrow.

… Well sane-er anyway…